SEXUAL
PURITY IS OVERRATED… RIGHT?
I once heard someone say something about
sexual purity. It went something like this: Wanting to marry a virgin is like
diving into a swimming pool and hoping not to get wet.
Well, I don’t blame them. As far as the 21st
Century is concerned it’s impossible. I will not say the world is short of
virgins because I have fellowshipped with a number of people who are faithfully
waiting for marriage to express their sexuality. However, in almost every
country on the planet, sex is in your face. You can’t run away from it. You
can’t deny it. It’s hot. It’s sexy and it’s here to stay!
Be that as it may, there is a profound
truth that’s hard to see when all we are concerned about is our generation and
what we are exposed too. It’s this: Sexual struggles are not new. They’ve been
around for ages. Our generation is not unique. The only thing that has changed with
sex is the delivery process. There aren’t pre-medieval buildings to see the
graphic details of temple-prostitution; we have the Internet and pornography. And
unlike temple-prostitution, we have higher unseen traffic in these latter days.
I don’t believe sexual purity in earlier days was easy. The cultural regulations
may have enforced it because of being conservative in nature but it never
killed the burning desire to just make out or indulge before marriage.
I’m going to lay the groundwork for this
particular blog right here. This blog will address sexual purity in reference
to followers of Christ. In that light, I will highlight guidelines. Why am I
saying this? Because when Jesus is not Lord of your life, it becomes hard to
accept guidelines inspired by a gospel you haven’t accepted. They look crazy
because the unbeliever perceives them as a quick step-by-step solution to a
problem. It’s more than that. It requires a communion with God to understand
and learn through these guidelines. It’s why the unbeliever needs the gospel
and the believer needs guidelines to live the gospel he/she has received. This
in no way means believers are better people. If anything, we are worse! We are
so bad that we need a saviour. And we hope that you would realize the need of
him too. In view of that, I reiterate, I am going to address sexual purity in
reference to followers of Christ.
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Many unmarried Christians are having sex. It's no secret. Before my wife and I got married, we faced
a lot of struggle; the struggle to remain sexually pure. This was back in
campus while we were dating. Making out was not an uncommon thing among couples
in my school. We had condoms replenished every week along with tissue paper.
The nights were wild with activity and sex was the theme of several hostel
rooms. We knew (Like every believer should) that we were to live lives for
Jesus. Our lives were to be pleasing to Him. We knew (like every believer
should) that sex is a great thing! We didn’t have to have sex to know that it
was pleasurable, fun, exciting and very, very erotic. In fact, everyone knows
that. We knew we were to wait till marriage. But there was the temptation to
experiment. But the problem wasn't sex. The problem was lust.
There are a few things that believers should
also know. And we recommend that they not only experiment but also practise. We
can sum it up in one phrase to fight lust:
The
will of God our saviour
Let’s talk! Christ Jesus has a role for
your sexuality. Yes, Christ Jesus invented sex. He invented the orgasm, he
invented the man’s reproductive system and the woman’s and he made them to
function together. Let’s talk! But he created them for a specific time and
moment. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m saying. You know pretty well
that Christ’s will is for you to reserve sex for your spouse. I won’t quote the
verses because you know them. I won’t quote the Psychologists because you’ve
heard them. And I won’t quote your mama because she told you so!
Then what gives? I know what’s expected of
me as a believer but that really doesn’t help my situation, you say. Well read
on. You probably reckon with some of these thoughts by young unmarried folk in
the church.
“I
serve in ministry and I struggle with masturbation.”
“God
can’t forgive me after what I’ve done.”
“I
regularly attend service and I actively participate in my church but my
boyfriend and I are sleeping together.”
“Sure
I look okay in church but I’m hurting from an abortion I carried out last
year…I hurt my womb and I don’t know if I can give birth.”
“There
goes the pastor again quoting that unbeliever yoked verse. My girl may not be a
church girl but we love each other right?”
“We
only made out…I hope.”
“I’ve
lost count of the number of times I’ve had premarital sex.”
“I’ve
slept with him and there he is preaching at us.”
“I’m
not so bad. I mean, we’ve just made out. We’ve never had real sex. So we’re
better than most people, right?”
“I
doubt I’m a Christian.”
“God
couldn’t love me.”
“I’m
addicted to porn. I won’t admit it in front of these holy Joes though.”
And for reasons such as this, many young
followers of Christ have dismissed sexual purity and called it overrated. Ultimately,
degeneration has occured and many young lives in the church have lost the hope
for marriage and the resolve to live a Christlike life.
A friend of mine conducted a small survey
in his church among 33 active Evangelical youth. The questionnaire was based on
sexual purity. Out of 33, 28 had had sex.
Time to quote the verse! Hehe! Ephesians
5:3 “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity or of greed, because
these are improper for God’s holy people.” (NIV)
Hold up! Do not roll your eyes. Do not
drown in shame. Read it again, slowly.
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
There’s a lot of love in that verse. If you
don't see it, allow me to break it down. It cautions believers not be involved in
sexual immorality. You know what that is. It not only says sexual immorality
but a hint. A hint is a smidge. A
miniscule. A dot. The smallest possible sign. However, why the caution? To
please your daddy? No way José! To show your mummy that you’re a virgin angel?
Nope. The reason is this:
You are in God’s elite group! You are a
holy people. You are loved.
It's called sin and you know it is. You've probably given it names such as weakness but God calls it what it is. And beloved, hear me out. Sin is not breaking God’s law; sin is breaking
God’s heart. Christ became a man so that you wouldn’t have to endure whiplashes
and nails through your limbs. He died for you; I dare say you must live for
him- even with your sexuality.
When Waturi (my wife) and I dated for two and a
half years, we both knew that if we went for longer, sexual purity would be
something to blog about but not to practise. We went on for a few months before we got married and by Christ's grace, we made it. Not because we were great or strong people but because we obeyed. Keep reading. We did practise it and you need to
know that it was hard. And I clarify it to you; pleasing Christ with your
sexuality is hard. But we have something harder. It’s called the gospel. The
gospel is harder than your fears and harder that your tears. The gospel is
stronger than your weaknesses and has more drive that your sexuality. The gospel must be lived out to
overcome sexual struggles. After the wedding, when Waturi and I were alone in
our room, we realized that the fight for sexual purity is a spiritual struggle
for everyone who calls Jesus Christ LORD. In that room, the carnal desires of
campus were gone! I could not understand how I could even sit for five
minutes in the room with her and not get tempted to let my fingers do the
walking. When you get
married, you understand what Holy Matrimony means. Lovemaking is void of guilt
and shame in the presence of God because evil cannot linger in holiness. Christ is that holiness not ourselves. Outside his presence, then does our
carnality manifest. We begin to ask questions that will satisfy those desires.
We ask How far is too Far? (read that article). And when we give into them, the
guilt grows but so does the addiction.
I once led a girl to Christ in my hostel in
campus. She came from a night of having “fun”. She blacked out and crawled to my room the next morning asking for breakfast. I served her. Then she broke down and cried. I had
to observe my boundaries well, so we talked outside. She narrated how she was
so tired of sleeping with guys she didn’t even love. She was hurt and
scared she had HIV. Why she told me all this I have no idea, but she did. I
normally direct such a situation to my wife to deal with so that I don’t get
emotionally involved with the opposite sex. However, she had come and I
couldn’t just send her away. So I shared the gospel with her and she gave her
life to Christ. I directed her to my girlfriend (now wife). I prayed she would
change. I had never heard of anyone who struggled with sex like that. She
struggled a while even after she came to Christ and like many of you, she felt
God did not love her and that she was damned.
But as we encouraged her then, I encourage you now dear
believer who’s struggling. Know this: Nothing
we do can make Jesus love us less. Nothing we do can make Him love us more.
His love is the greatest! Think of the
worst thing you’ve ever done. Now thank Jesus because he forgives that too. No
matter how bad we fall, he forgives and if we repent, we reap a great harvest. The true sign of repentance is not tears or emotion. The true sign of repentance is change. You reap a harvest of peace in your marriage. You reap a harvest of freedom
from slavery to your desires. You reap a harvest of righteousness that comes by
applying God’s word. You reap a harvest of compassion for the hurting and
broken. This is the gospel and the unbeliever needs it.
Now these are the guidelines and you need them.
1)Guideline 1. Sexual immorality
is a path to demonic oppression.
That’s because it is sin. Sin is like a
carcass that attracts scavengers. It attracts the enemy and his demonic forces. When the Bible says the our enemy the devil
prowls around like a lion seeking someone to devour, I note two things. One, he
seeks someone “devourable.” (I made up that word but you
understand) Not everyone is devourable so the devils seeks one who is devourable. Sin makes you devourable.
Sin invites the devil. Secondly, I note that the enemy is just like a lion. He is not THE LION. Because the only antidote for sin is
THE LION OF JUDAH- JESUS CHRIST.
2)
Guideline 2. Stay away from
sin.
In my hostel in campus, I had to run away from such situations. Once, a
fine girl came into my room covered in only a small towel. There were no
clear boundaries and she violated my space. I had to run before my body made a
decision. The decision to stay away from sin must be made way in advance. When the blood is boiling and you see the finest pair or legs walk up to you, it isn't a great time to discuss your boundaries. When Waturi and I wanted to give in to the temptation of making out,
the only way out of it was to run away from her. And if you’ve seen her, you
know, it’s pretty hard to run away from such a gorgeous woman like that! But it
was necessary in order to honour Jesus and it is necessary for you. It was
necessary for Joseph to flee from a seductress like Potiphar’s wife and he
became great. It was necessary for the young naïve man to run away from the
sexy woman in Proverbs 7 but he did not and it cost him his life.
3) Guideline 3. You were bought at a price.
Sexual sin is a sin against
your own body, the Bible says. But it hurts someone who poured blood for you. Don't think cause you watch it behind your computer screen, it hurts nobody.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins
a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his
own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;20 you
were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
4)
Guideline 4. Ladies
If he
loves you for your boobs and curves, he will love someone else when he sees
better boobs and curves. Oh, and believe me, there are better ones out there.
It’s only a matter of time. End it. You will thank me later. You may wanna read Curves Hips and Lips sometime.
5)
Guidleine 5. Avoid media
(Youtube, TV, Movies, Pictures, Facebook pages etc) that turn you on
This is a call for an Exodus from 8pm soaps. You are a believer, spend time
with the lover who died for you through Quiet Time.
6)
Guidleine 6. If you think you
can fight sexual sin, don’t be naïve.
Several times in the Bible we are instructed
to FLEE sexual sin. The only thing we are told to resist is the devil (1st
Peter). So then why are we running from the devil and resisting sexual sin? You
are not strong. And if you think you are, your fall is coming soon and great
will it be. Your pride will blind you and you will fail miserably. When
tempted, God is the way out, not your virginity.
1 Corinthians 10:12-13
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t
fall!13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to
man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can
bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can
stand up under
7)
Guideline 7. There is no such
thing as How Far is Too Far. Click here to find out why?
8) Guideline 8. If you are in a relationship.
State your boundaries, write them down and let your Pastor know. In fact, give him a copy of what you have written. Extereme huh? Well extreme
saves marriages. Don’t let your best-friend know. What good will he/she do when
you’re pregnant or got a girl pregnant? Get a spiritual authority to know and give them full permission
to ask you the kind of hard questions like, “Have you and Susan been making
out?” “Isn't that dress sexually tempting for Greg when you're in the dark in the Movies theater?” “Are you pleasing God with your
sexuality?” "Isn't that against the list you gave me?" "Why are you going for the trip just the two of you? You know you'll have sex right?" If not in a relationship, avoid any company that revels in perverse
jokes. Yes, even the ones from your church. In God’s eyes they are sinful.
Read:
Ephesians 5:4 Obscene
stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let
there be thankfulness to God.
9)
Sexual thoughts are as bad as
sexual acts.
Jesus said that to look at a maiden with lustful eyes is
immorality. So guys, it’s not okay to “appreciate beauty.” Many virgins who are
not sexually active think they escape yet Jesus says you are all the same if you do. I too had to deregister from the school of “Halle Berry View Academy.”
10) The Bible is your weapon, stop fighting it and use it.
A beliver without
scripture can forget about guidleine 1 to 9 because it won’t work. Memorizing
scripture is not for children and old women. It is for young people like you
and me. John says in 1st John 2;14b
I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of
God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.
You cannot overcome the
evil one if the word of God does not live in you. Have your quiet time
and enjoy it immensely. The word is your insurance. Without it you will inherit
nothing in God’s economy. Cause immorality is a greed to satisfy self and God
will not honour that. Read:
Ephesians 5:5 “You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or
greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy
person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.” (NLT)
Sexual purity is not overrated.