Today's blogpost is by a guest blogger by the name Chadia Mathurin. I met Chadia on Facebook and we have been online friends since September 2015. We share a common interest in writing. Chadia hails from the Caribbean in Saint Lucia and she lives in Trinidad and Tobago. Despite our vast difference, we are united in our faith in Christ Jesus. Chadia is young but has a wealth of wisdom. I have enjoyed reading her work and have added her blog on my reading list. Do subscribe to her blog: (http://www.chadiamathurin.com/). You will not be disappointed, especially the ladies. This particular article on purity makes me warm on the inside because it is for women by a woman. In the words of Jesus in John 13:17, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." Better start knowing/reading:
PURITY
IS EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY
By Chadia Mathurin
Most
men will say that their struggle with purity is a physical one. They love
seeing the curves on a beautiful woman, and their appreciation often converts
into a desire to touch that which their eyes have deemed beautiful. As a woman,
I think I speak for quite a few women when I say that our struggle is one waged
in the emotional realm.
As a woman, my definition of purity is simple: emotional integrity.
A couple of years ago, I found myself in a situation where a friendship of mine became broken. If you ask me, the issue stemmed from a lack of open communication. But, God in His Lordship also allowed me to pick up a few things from this painful experience. So this is how the story goes:
As a woman, my definition of purity is simple: emotional integrity.
A couple of years ago, I found myself in a situation where a friendship of mine became broken. If you ask me, the issue stemmed from a lack of open communication. But, God in His Lordship also allowed me to pick up a few things from this painful experience. So this is how the story goes:
My friend made and acted on the assumption that I liked him
as more than a friend. His reactions to the assumption were “imma cut you off” and
withdrawal.
I’m super observant and not much gets past me, but even if I wasn’t observant I would see this. The friendship went from being distinguished by keeping in touch all day via FB to saying hi, hello and nothing of substance once a week.
I’m super observant and not much gets past me, but even if I wasn’t observant I would see this. The friendship went from being distinguished by keeping in touch all day via FB to saying hi, hello and nothing of substance once a week.
I’m also the kind of woman who will call someone out. So
after recognizing that the friendship had gone down from 20 to 0, I asked my
friend what was going on. My exact question was, “Did I do anything to offend
you?” The essence of his response was “No.”
Long story short, when he finally got around to explaining what fueled his
behavior, I was shocked and I was hurt.
Apparently, I liked him as more than a friend.
Let it be known: Chadia is Sherlock Holmes III. I am a
problem solver by nature, so after my initial shock and hurt, I immediately
sought out what would encourage that thought process on his part. What could I
have possibly done to cement that foundation?
The truth is that I didn’t see him as more than a friend. He was in a place in his
life where I would only be stupid to entertain non-platonic feelings for him if
I had any and I had my thing going on with someone else (unbeknownst to him).
In the limitations of my human wisdom, I could see not ONE thing that would
have given credence to what he claimed. Yes, I invited him to my house with
about 15 other people. Yes, I was part of a group that took him out to dinner
for his birthday. And yes, I was always available. But isn’t that what friends do?
I can’t say that I have come
to a conclusion about what exactly gave him the perception. Some of my friends
think that it was the other way around; that he liked me and didn’t know how to deal with his emotions. Whatever the reason, I
do know that after some continued introspection, I decided to uphold
responsibility for his thought process.
I recognized that whether or not I believe that I did
anything to validate his assumptions that I had not intentionally governed our
friendship in a manner that said “just friends.” God made it plain as day to
me: It didn’t matter whether I thought I did anything to warrant his
assumptions but He (God) was now holding me accountable for what I had not
done, for this, and all the other hearts that I had not guarded. Way to flip
the script on a sister huh?
It was a difficult pill to swallow and it became even more
difficult when I recognized that this one time, I had left myself bare. I guess
you can say it would be an experience of feeling similar to having unprotected
sex for the first time, and finding yourself with a pregnancy that you are
unprepared for.
Without even
recognizing it, I had become attached. The problem wasn’t even being attached. It was that I had not recognized that
I was. I was stark raving mad and the state of my emotional integrity was about
to unravel right before my very eyes.
In all fairness to the young man, he was doing what most men
in the body won’t do. He valued our friendship and in his eyes, he was trying
to save us both from a potentially volatile emotional situation. He may not
have possessed the tools to do so well, but he certainly deserves kudos for
desiring to do the right thing.
So, uh… nice story,
but I’m lost. Emotional Integrity?
Absolutely not! It wasn’t a
ramble. It served its purpose if it drew you into the confusion of thought and
emotion that plagued me during this period of my life and if you understood and
identified with this mass of confusion then you may be far from a place of
emotional integrity. I’ve learnt that most
times when we find ourselves in situations of confusion and lack of definition
such as the one described above, it is because we have no emotional standards
or emotional integrity.
This experience was one of the incidents that allowed me to
recognize that I lacked emotional integrity. Here I was without a grip on my
emotions and a lack of understanding on what was going on in my emotional
realm. My emotions were all over the place and it was a result of poor
management on my part. Secondly, I see a lot of the elements necessary to begin
a discourse on the topic of emotional integrity.
How does emotional integrity affect purity? But first, what is emotional integrity?
How does emotional integrity affect purity? But first, what is emotional integrity?
Emotional integrity can be defined as a place of emotional
wholeness characterized by deep emotional awareness, emotional honesty, emotional
morality (the guardianship of hearts) and accountability.
Just from the definition alone, it becomes evident that
emotional integrity has such a profound effect on purity.
This is what prevents us from having pseudo husbands, or
being emotionally entangled with too many men. This is what keeps us from harbouring
hurt and unforgiveness in our hearts and this is what gives us the tools to
guard our hearts and the hearts of those with whom we interact.
Emotional integrity is what breeds the alertness which will
cause you to redefine relationships with men when you recognize that someone
could get hurt if the relationship is not steered into a particular
direction. Even in marriage, emotional
integrity will help a woman govern her relationship with men who are not her
husband.
It is a broad topic, but for now, I hope that at the very least you can see why I say that purity is emotional integrity.
It is a broad topic, but for now, I hope that at the very least you can see why I say that purity is emotional integrity.
Read more from Chadia: http://www.chadiamathurin.com/
