FOR MEN ONLY: Five things that a married man of God is required by the Lord to do for his wife:

I recently posted a Facebook update about four things that a born again husband ought to do for his wife as required by the Lord. I gained considerable traffic and many people were interested in it. I decided to expound each reason and add a fifth. So these are five things that a married man of God is required by the Lord to do for his wife:

1. Make her happy
“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” (Deuteronomy 24:5)

My wife, Turi, and I.
In those days, a man could die in the battle field especially if the Lord’s presence was not with the people. The Lord required that a newly married man stay at home for a year and make his woman happy. Note that the Lord says “woman” (singular). Moving on! Those two things (making her happy and staying at home) ought not to be a one-year experience. Turi, my lovely wife, loves it when I’m at home. There are times even Christian men get caught up in activity outside their own home and spend little time with their wives. I have come to realize, Beloved, that whether I am out there spreading the gospel or out there peddling drugs, if I’m not at home, I’m not at home. My wife is my first ministry and my priority. Choosing between hanging out with her or hanging out with the boys on Friday night is a no-brainer! Wife first! Being out preaching does not make my wife miss me less than when I am out watching football. Both the preacher’s wife and the football fan’s wife are home alone. God works in order and timings. Therefore a Christian man should not say that saving souls is more important than being at home because that is disorder. God is a God of order. Plan your time out there and be there faithfully. Similarly, plan your time with your wife (fairly) and be there faithfully. Wives are happy when men go home. We need to be around to help in the home. We need to practise being available for the children even though those children have not yet arrived. Adopt this mantra: If I’m not at home, I’m not at home. No amount of spirituality excuses my role as a husband. Your wife is your first ministry. Be willing to drop all meetings, dates, plans for her. You will make her happy.

2. Make her holy
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26)

When my wife is not growing spiritually, I do not dismiss it in the name of her having a personal relationship with Christ. I take up the responsibility because I realize that God has tasked me to make her holy. Ephesians 5 says that I must use the word to do this. So as a husband, I need to immerse myself in the scriptures. I cannot use the scriptures to cleanse her if I do not know the scriptures. I cannot teach her what I have not absorbed. So I should make it my ultimate priority to know God intimately so that by example and teaching, I fulfil this. I need to do the following 6 things therefore:
  1. Hear the Word (See Romans 10:7. From other mature men and women of God e.g. podcasts, recorded sermons)
  2. Read the Word (See Revelation 1:3. get a personal encounter of God speaking by reading what the Bible says)
  3. Study the Word (See Acts 17:11. Researching what I read and verifying its veracity and appropriate use.)
  4. Memorise the Word (See Psalm 119:9-11. Committing to memory what I study so that I have a ready word to share to anyone in need and a stocked arsenal against temptation and false doctrine.)
  5. Meditate on the Word (See Joshua 1:8. Musing about the words of scripture that I have memorized and allowing the Holy Spirit to use them to search my life)
  6. Practising the Word. (See John 13:17. Doing what I learn. God wants us not only to appear changed on the outside but to actually change on the inside.)

3. Treat her gently- or else forget about your prayers!
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." (1 Peter 3:7)

At our church dinner last year
Isn’t that scary? That if you are inconsiderate and brutish towards your wife, you get your prayer lines disconnected by sin. I often think about times I’ve been brash with Turi and I realize that the Lord is not pleased with it. I quickly apologise for her sake and mine. In some traditional societies, women are treated as lesser beings. The Christian man who falls into this culture will be putting a knife to the spiritual health of the home. Cherish your wife. How do you know if you cherish her? Ask her. Yes, that’s right. Ask her. Don’t get defensive and start explaining yourself. Just listen and for heaven’s sake, change! Some wives have been harassed by brutish men to the extent that they may fear answering that question lest it breed more chaos. Shame on you if you are that kind of man. A wife should never fear her husband. She should feel protected when he is around, not threatened. Ever wonder why your prayers are not going past the roof? Review your tenderness to your wife. You may act like a boss in your home but in the house of the Lord you are a child. And so is she a child of God. Treat her with humility and repent of your sins, Beloved.

4. Make her comfortable
“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)

The weight of that verse needs no emphasis so I’ll just say this: Women feel at ease in an environment where the rent is paid, the debts are cleared, the basic needs are met, money is saved, the tithe is honoured and there’s occasional spare change for chocolate. Don't be discouraged if you don't have a source of income. When I started dating Turi, I was dependent on my parents' money. But the Bible says in Deuteronomy 8:18 that God is the one who gives us the ability to make wealth. Commune with him today and  he will show you opportunities. He will give you work to do. He won't give you money. He will give you  a task that will bring money. So be alert, get rid of greed and covetousness by practising contentment, be hardworking and he will bless the work of your hands.

5. Satisfy her sexually
“The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)

God requires you to meet the sexual needs of your wife. And hers alone. Noone else's. Drink water from your own well. Your wife must find sex intimate- emotionally and physically. The Bible  in the verse above actually says sexual intimacy is her right. The truth is that women want great sex just as much as men do. Just ask them. Many wives have had sex; few have made love. There is a difference. You must, as a man, ensure that you learn to make her enjoy it. Sex is a gift that is for mutual benefit. If you have sex selfishly, just for your own gratification, you deprive your wife. Because of selfishness with such a romantic gift that is to be shared, some women grow up believing that sex is not meant to be intimate but only for the man to enjoy. Some see it as a dirty act. And unmarried born again virgins dread it because of the selfish stories they hear. They start subscribing to worldly ideas on sex and get caught up in a lot of regret. Beloved, the truly born again godly woman is waiting for sex until marriage. Apart from the reason of devotion and obedience to God, make the wait of sexual intimacy worth it emotionally and physically. I said the “truly born again women” because there are many young people out there having pre-marital sex without a shred of care of what God says. Going to church doesn’t make a girl or a guy a Christian just as going to a garage doesn’t make you a car. Followers of Jesus practise what he says. Jesus said in eternity many will be surprised when denied entry into heaven- professing the faith but living in carnality. I digress. A sexually satisfied wife makes a very satisfied husband. Husbands you know this. So, here are a few tips.

We have a lot of work to do, now don't we? What other commands do you know that  husbands have from the Lord regarding their wives?

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