Once in a very long while I allow a guest writer to share profound wisdom on my blog, Pen Strokes. So far, Pen Strokes has been graced by the brilliant Owuor Kuyoh, the brave and admirable Ess Kimemia. Today, I introduce to you the Wise Keith. Keith and I met in high school. We served in the Praise and Worship team; he played drums and the piano while I led the music ministry. I learn so much from this Man of God and I saw it best to share the wisdom he has. The post below on correcting people will leave you wiser, Beloved. Read carefully, pray thoughtfully and live joyfully!
Strokes of the pen for the glory of His name!
By Keith Nyamweya
A major principle in human relations is that appreciating people is the secret to having good relationships. When land appreciates in value it becomes more expensive. Likewise, appreciating people is all about making deposits and not withdrawals into the lives of others to make them better. For example how you make people to see themselves. How you make you people to feel about themselves will be the exact feeling they will have toward you.
When you appreciate people help them love themselves more every time they are with you, they will love you in return and look forward to being around you. When you become a value adder in people's lives, your presence will demand an audience. He who would have friends must first show himself friendly-Proverbs 18:24. The opposite is also true. The more you degrade people and contribute towards making them have negative feelings towards themselves, the fewer friends you will have. You will be to people what vinegar is to a fly.
You are probably aware of people who every time they show up, you already know you've done the wrong thing. You almost want to greet with ' I'm sorry' instead of 'hello' due to the demon... sorry i meant lemon experiences you've had with them. Such people lack friends for not showing themselves to be friendly. The responses you get from people will show you what kind of person they perceive you to be. If your a person who adds value to people, they will laugh when you arrive and cry when you leave; but if every time you leave people start laughing, purge and checketh thyself.
Are you the type of person people adjust their program to be with you or do people look for reasons to justify why they can't be with you? When you ask for a meeting with people, is their first response 'when do you us to meet?' or 'let me plan myself and get back you'? The world is a mirror, who you are is what you see. Part of the reason people may not like us could be traced to the way we correct them when they make mistakes.
Giving corrections is like doing a heart surgery. You must do it carefully, thoughtfully, base your actions on the right information, diagnose correctly, seek the input of qualified people while your doing it, have the right tools, and finally you must have enough light on the issue.Otherwise you risk losing the other party despite your good intentions.
Here are some helpful ways of correcting people. Notice the word is correct..ing not wrong..ing. You're motive is to make people correct not prove them wrong. If its true correction, you should lean towards justification rather than condemnation. You are 'correct..ing' people not 'wrong...ing' them.
The only time our criticism is positive and will be well taken is when:
a. You are criticizing something that can actually be changed.
b: You have offered an alternative to what you're criticizing.
c: You are Specific and clear on what you are criticizing and why.
d: You have made it clear that what you are saying is just your opinion and you could be wrong.
e: Balance your criticism with praise.
You and I don't like who:
a: Criticize us for things that we can't change e.g. our past or our dental formula :-)
b: They never gave an alternative to what they were criticizing. They made a point but failed to make a difference.
c: They were not specific and clear on what exactly they wanted you to improve on, why should you do it and finally how you should go about it.
d: They talked as though they were all right and they had all the information and if they could change their name they could call themselves Wikipedia! They presented their suggestions as commands rather than their attempts to make us better people.
e: They never said anything were doing right. All they did was pull us down and helped us unlike ourselves. Although they may have been correcting us on valid grounds, their failure to balance out their criticism with praise left us bitter instead of better.
Now that You and I don't like it when people do the above to us, lets not do it to others. Always talk as though your the listener receiving the words your speaking. If you wouldn't take it kindly if someone told you the things your saying, then your safer not to speak. Let emotions subside then decide. Its better to say nothing than to say the wrong thing. Until you can say it right don't say it yet.
James 1:19 "Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry."