blogspot is a guest article from a writer I admire. Mr. Owuor Kuyoh. I asked
Owuor to guest write this week on Pen Strokes because the same spirit and the
same ministry or reconciliation rests in his heart and lies in his words. Not
only will you enjoy this read but you will be transformed to devote your self
to a league of higher living.
When I was younger I always wanted to be in a
relationship…till I got into one and it drove me to near death. The girl; she
dressed to kill and cooked in the same way. I almost had a “naomba serikali iingie kati /I
fear for my life” kinda
moment so I figured I probably suck at this game. When I look back theraison
d' être for signing
up for the Love Games was because it had the
I-like-you-you-like-me-let’s-see-where-this-goes theme on display. No
preparation, no questions asked, no precautions taken, just an overdose of
romantic epiphany and hormonal pills from cupid’s pharmacy.
And we all know of the verbal vomit that comes out when
someone is in this phase, someone who’s met ‘the right person’. Your opening argument;
“We have the same initials! We have a song! His middle name is Bobby and mine’s
Whitney!”(We all know how that ended). Don’t look at me like that like you’ve
never said these things. When all the hormones wear off (I call it the Dopamine
Disorder), you’re left with this person with whom you’ve got no clue what to do
with except make mistakes, make up or make out...sometimes all three…at once!
Hands up if you’ve been in this position. Even you?! I’d have never thought...tsk
tsk *judging look*.
Like mindless fools we have subscribed to this
Holly/Bolly/Nollywood channel of champions. Champions of the Love Games.
Nollywood takes the bronze though…for obvious reasons. Our advice comes from
‘Agony Aunt’, or some love story movie like Dear John or Serendipity, sometimes
from music that tells you things like ‘listen to your heart’ and ‘I’ve got an
icebox blah blah blah’. Everyone has an opinion on relationships. And I’m about
to feed you with mine. Get a plate; I’m serving food for thought.
Relationships are sometimes a tricky affair. Sometimes.
It’s one of those things that make you toss and turn at night then you wake up
screaming but realize you hadn’t fallen asleep yet. But on the other side of the
rainbow it could be a pot of gold, and you can soar like an eagle and prance
around in a field of lilies and daisies and drink from the well of love and
such things. When I look around, I realize that this generation has absolutely
no clue on what principles to follow when getting into one. It’s like learning
how to drive. The first day you get into the driver’s seat and you may know
what buttons to press or what knob to pull coz you saw someone else do it but
it’s your turn now and it doesn’t look as easy as it seemed when someone else
did it. From the outside looking in, it looked like the fluid motions just flow
naturally but from the inside looking out, everything looks intermediary Latin.
And yes, this post is like one those hopeless romantic
movies. Titanic actually. Cause it’s going down!
I love the Bible. It offers some age old wisdom and
provides the romance to boot. Romance with wisdom. Gotta love it! Many times I
have found that with a bit of explanation, the grey parts of my life just get
clear as day. It’s a wonder it’s printed on white pages with black ink. I’m
reporting live from Jeremiah 17:9 “The human heart is the most deceitful of
all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Translation: Your heart, your
innermost being is a liar, a schemer, a conniver! Yet the world begs us to
listen to the heart. A source of sinful desire that seeks harm behind all
motive and notion. Uh, thanks but no thanks. I’d rather choose the Truth, and
I’m not talking about Dr. Love! But you argue, “The heart wants what the heart
wants!”Reports live from Genesis 4:7 “…sin
is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Your heart, like it or not, is
a source of sin, it wants to control you, yet you want to listen to it? Your
heart wants you, to control you, to make you a slave to its will, to bring you
to your knees. Your heart is sin. You must subdue it.
Can I confess something? I had to wash down this spoonful
of pride with a glass of honesty. I was never ready to be in a relationship.
For real. I paid the consequences of that, to some degree I still am. The lack
of preparedness showed in the continuous cycle of all my relationships. The
four stages of metamorphosis were; Hopeless romantic- Fabulous dramatic-Surreal
pointillist-Utopian apathetic. How did I know I wasn’t ready? I made promises I
knew I wasn’t prepared to keep. From promising to ‘love you always and forever’
to ‘you are my one and only’ to ‘I will cross the oceans for you (I’ve hardly
been 2km into the Indian ocean). When I connected the dots I learnt a very
valuable lesson from all this. You
can’t promise your way past your lack of preparation. I would hate for any one of you
reading this right now to make the same mistakes I did. You’ll hurt someone.
You’ll get hurt. See, making a promise makes you accountable, it doesn’t make
you capable. You have to prepare before you promise. You bear a responsibility
before God to account for any words you said, whether you meant them or not.
This isn’t child’s play. Imagine this, you can spend hours, days even,
preparing for a 2hr exam, thespians rehearse day in day out just to get it
right before the big day, athletes train, pouring blood sweat and tears before
they race, but you? You’re just too cute and cuddly, to “pweedy” that you’ll
automatically fit into the glass slipper held by the fool who lacks enough
discernment to start a relationship with you? Good luck Cinderella.
Shout out to the skinny jeaned adolescent my 16yr old
sister keeps texting and giggling with on chat. I’m coming for you Mohawk!
I believe that preparing to commit to keeping one’s
promises in a relationship forms a basis for what direction that relationship
takes. Proverbs 14:8 “The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to
their ways…”. The steps you
take determine your intention v15 continues to say “a simple man believes
anything but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.” Honestly, I can’t stress this enough.
Your direction determines your destiny.
So you, ask “What direction are you talking about?”
Maya Angelou once said, “A woman’s heart should be so
hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Him first to find her.”
Men, that goes for you as well. The only way you can
learn to be in authority is to serve under authority. Authority of Christ. Your
heart needs Christ. Take it from a guy who found the landmines by driving over
them. What we don’t need is a movement of complete knuckleheads who enjoy the
chase but don’t know what to do once the girl says yes. How do you take responsibility
for someone else’s life if you have none over yours? There’s some 1Thessalonians
4:11-12 to smack some sense into you.
I recall just the other day lamenting to each other
with a close friend how we both wanted clean slates. I was tired of cleaning
slates. Then it hit me… Why am I dirtying it in the first place?