FOR MEN ONLY: OF WOMEN AND DESTINY
WOMEN
There is no
traffic along the extra mile, a man full of wisdom did once say. No one who
goes out of his way to please his woman faces resistance. Have you tried taking
the extra mile in your relationship with the opposite sex? The result is a
relationship worth more than gold, rubies and the Bill Gates Foundation savings
account put together. I know it cause I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen it too in
the lives of a couple of men. When the movie is over and everyone’s going home,
delay your getting home to make sure she get’s to her bus stage safely. When
there’s limited seats in the hall, join the other men and rush and scramble to
get one so that you don’t have to stand. When the ladies remark, “Men are
brutes,” be sure to be on your way back having fought for that seat and offer
it to the favourable lady in the crowd. You can’t go wrong with denying
yourself for the sake of your lady. The other men will be seated and you’ll be
standing not only in the hall but in her heart as well. If you go the extra
mile, you stand out. You’re a red M&M among all the green ones. Quite
interesting that the Bible describes the exclusive relationship a man has with
a woman to be similar to that of Jesus Christ and the Church. It doesn’t leave
us hanging. It explains how that relationship is. It says “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” so
should a man equate with his wife. (Ephesians 5:25- NIV)
It takes no
rocket scientist to tell that Christ left a comfort zone to enter a very
uncomfortable place. Heaven to earth. Streets of gold to roads of dust. Sounds
of angels to cries of demons. For what? For you and I to experience a comfort
we do not deserve. That explanation is called love dear gentleman. Do you see its
magnitude? It goes beyond speaking it or whispering it in her ear to make her
blush. What are you giving up as a man in your relationship with your lady
exclusively for her benefit? We may give with strings attached i.e. It benefits
us in the process. We may offer her the seat so that she may not get mad when
we cancel the afternoon date to watch the football match. That’s conditional
love. It’s not love actually. It’s selfish self-centeredness. It’s not as
Christ would do. It cost Christ everything and he expected and received nothing
from us. It’s called unconditional love. Yep, you’ve probably heard that too.
It’s a love without conditions. “I love you because” and “I love you if” are
conditional which never last the test of time cause “ifs” and “becauses” will
always change. However, “I love you inspite” has the electric sparks and
fireworks. It’s the love that goes beyond feelings and circumstances. That is
the measure to love a woman. Why is it like that and not the other way round? Why
shouldn’t it be women to give up their comfort for men? I don’t know but I do
know one thing for sure. To love a woman like that gives a satisfaction beyond
receiving anything from her. And besides, the love of a woman when reciprocated
is so genuine and wholly from her heart that it overwhelms any man. That’s why
it hurts bad when a guy plays with a girl's heart. She gives her whole only to
discover he was fooling around. She desires a serious man. That’s a topic for another blog.
I want to
believe that this generation has men who will not allow women to open car doors
but do it for them and expect nothing in return. I want to believe that there
are men who will give her the jacket when it’s cold even if they freeze for a
few minutes without expecting a peck on the cheek for their chivalry. I want to
believe that there are men who will go out of their way to save the day and not
expect a lady’s body to quench their lust in return. There will be a generation
of husbands and men in relationships passionate to love like Christ did. To
show love through patience for the reward of their chivalry and to exercise
love for the women they date by giving unconditionally. The unconditional love
towards the ladies can be worked on with practice, however there’s a another
love that the ladies will not see but will experience the benefits and effects
years from now. They hardly know men exercise it or should exercise it. It’s
the love for one’s destiny.
Destiny
A man should
embrace and love his destiny in the same way he loves a woman. Denying self.
Those two words can really annoy you if you constantly read this blog. Deny
self, deny self and deny self. It’s the only way to say it. Or we could alternatively
say radically alter one’s wishes in
replacement of the desires that will gratify one’s future and its entirety.
No one will keep up with that. SO I will just say it again. DENY SELF. How do
we deny self for our destiny? Deny self for our destiny in a few words could be
this; don’t spend your life, invest it.
Are you
investing your life as a man? I can tell you for sure that discussing
Manchester-Chelsea for two hours on a lazy hot afternoon is not investing your
life. It’s spending it. You may love the woman unconditionally but if you do
not love your destiny unconditionally you fall in the league of the average
male. You fail to stand out. You lose basically. Women can talk for an hour
about their future marriages. In the process, a wise one among them will give
her own experience and in that one hour, the band of ladies have learnt
something that they could never read in any book. It’s amazing. When it’s a
group of Christ-loving young women, it’s more than amazing, it’s attractive and
very beautiful. It equips them for life and in turn they make deposits into
their future marriages. They invest. Well, why won’t men do so too? In that
same hour a band of men have sat down and argued over who has a bigger foot,
Didier Drogba or Carlos Tevez. They’ve spent equally same time and they’ve remained
the same. In a week, the lady gathers 7 hours of life changing knowledge while
the man gathers 7 hours of confusion between which team he should support for
the world cup. Invest in your destiny young man. Unashamedly seek young men who
can sit for an hour and talk about how to be men that can make a difference in
this life. Let’s talk about marriage! See all the women pull their seats closer
while all the men seek the exit. Let’s talk about pursuing the heart of Jesus!
See all the women pulling out their notebooks and pens to write every word
uttered while see the men with folded arms who carried nothing to write on.
Let’s go for a men’s workshop to learn about how to grow businesses! See the
women who secretly tagged along to help in the cooking so they could be present
while the men couldn’t make it cause they slept late finishing the last level
of God of War on PS3. There was a
time when church services were very “femininized”.
From the selection of songs to the conducting of service to the preaching of
sermons. We are in a generation where all that has changed. There are Men
Sundays, Men’s Camps and even overnight events for men. That excuse is
nullified.
Men are not all
talk and I understand. God fashioned us to have the capacity to be quiet for even
a whole minute without thinking of anything. In that one minute the lady’s mind
had gone to Timbuktu and back. That’s okay. We are different beings. But is our
difference an excuse to lack the fervour and enthusiasm for our destiny let
alone act on it? This is not to suggest that a man cannot have leisure time
either. I believe leisure time can positively impact your destiny too. On that
hot weekend afternoon, open the hood of someone’s car and learn from the car
expert among you what parts of the engine are there and what each does. The
lady will not see that investment in your destiny. It’s done when she’s not
around. But she will experience it the day you’re on a date and the car stalls.
You will fix it as opposed to call the mechanic. Believe me she would go for a
Mr. Fix it than a Mr. I-know-all-about-the-history-of-Alex-Ferguson. I have
nothing against football by the way. I have always been a Gunner fan and a die
hard supporter of Spain and Argentina in the world cup. However, Spain and Argentina
won’t make me a better dad years from now. I will talk about football when the
time fits but it cannot take my entire day only to arrive to the conclusion
that Messi is actually shorter than Diego Maradona.
When I got
engaged to my fiancée, one marriage counsellor told me “This is where men go
wrong. You love the lady unconditionally and you put the ring on her finger but
you sacrifice your destiny.”
“How?” I asked.
“Women get to
this stage and will read as many books as they can on relationships. Men will do
nothing. Women will find older married women and gain as much help as they can.
Men will have too much ego to ask for help. Women will take time to plan when
they want kids. Men will run away from the talk. The result is many prepared
ladies and equally many unprepared passionate men who love their women but with
no destiny for their relationships. They invested nothing in the courting
period.”
Invest in your
destiny. Don’t confuse between being busy and investing. You may be a busybody seven
days a week but are really investing nothing. Evaluate your day hourly. Is it down
the drain of history or into the skies of the future? Don’t just spend your
time, invest it. I always say, the men you see in movies and sitcoms eating
pizza all day and drinking Pepsi are actually at work. That’s their job and
they are getting paid for it! Now, you on the other hand doing the same (and
probably watching them) are receiving no salary for it neither are you
investing in your future. They have wives and children and their acting has
their future well invested in. The syndrome of “he loves Jesus” but he isn’t
ambitious about life and his future is a real drag. God will not bless your
hands. He will bless the work of your hands. Your destiny is in your hands.
In conclusion,
be the man for your woman, who like Christ Jesus loved unconditionally. Also, be
the man, like Christ as well, who in three years alone altered the world
completely from his investment in people and time.