MEN AND DAMSELS IN DISTRESS


MEN AND DAMSELS IN DISTRESS
By Ernest Wamboye

One famous author once asked; If Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the perfect gentleman and the perfect lady once crossed a busy street, who got to the other side first? The answer is the perfect lady. All the others are figments of your imagination.

That humorous conclusion compels us to ask. Are good men really a rare commodity? Is gentleman, like dinosaur, something that is found only in a dictionary? The worst was when I heard someone say that the white rhino has more chances that the average gentleman.

Notwithstanding the fact that I belong to the male species, I will say a bold resounding YES! There are good men, gentlemen to be precise. You see even the dinosaurs have their remnant left through their descendants; the chicken. However, the descendants of chivalrous men are no chicken. I believe they are just as good if not better.

Medieval men rescued damsels in distress and threw their coats on muddy paths for the ladies to walk over. They carried ladies over puddles of water and walked them home until their doorstep expecting no return for favours whatsoever. They made sure they regulated the spiritual temperature of their homes and brought up God-fearing children. Well what happened? Did beasts and dragons go extinct for men to slay? Did castles evolve to skyscrapers with City Council policies enforced on mounting them without a license?

Well we know men can’t carry women anymore, no thanks to affordable, low-fuel consumption feminine Toyota models. They can’t rescue damsels in distress because they have already enrolled for Jujitsu classes and are probably carrying taser guns in their handbags. They can’t walk them home anymore because of the same reason they cant carry them across puddles. Some men would say that women are less vulnerable today that’s why it’s so hard to become their heroes. I disagree.

Speaking to an ordinary female urban dweller, you will discover that there are no dragons but there are debts. There are no puddles but there are passive relationships. There are no night-walks but there are faith-walks. Women may have changed socio-economically but their hearts and their desire for romance, adventure and affection are the same.

So I collected a few thoughts from a few women in my life about the kind of heroes they want in the 21st century. Here are a few qualities. They are not idyllic and they are not out of the planet. Any man who would ignore these would be choosing rubble over gold.

1)   Women want a man who can lead. Speaking to a cousin of mine, she said, “We do not like to lead relationships. I may earn half a million shillings and drive a better car than you but you should still be able to lead me.” Men should cast into the deep-sea the idea that leading is based on socio-economic superiority. Leading is based on responsibility. A man who leads in a relationship with the opposite sex simply shows that he is responsible. Leading is not rank but responsibility! It is sacrifice not selfishness. It is duty not domination. It is support not superiority. Leading is serving.

2)   Women want men who can care, respect and protect. Women need affection. Yes, I said NEED. Men have to learn to be gentle with their words, gentle with their hands and gentle with their gestures. You can’t love what you plunder. Women are hearing-oriented just as we men are sight-oriented. We love what we see in a woman. Women love what they hear. What disgusting dressing is to a man is careless speech to a woman. Men should be able to stand up for their women in public. These words are good but only when followed with actions do they really count in a woman’s life. Say you love her and show it with flowers. Say you miss her and show it with surprise messages. Say you’re sorry and show it with a hug.

3)   Women need men to encourage their femininity. One boyfriend after finding out his girlfriend had just lost 500KES of her week’s pocket money said this when she began to cry; “She was behaving just like a woman!” Well guess what? She is a woman! Encourage women to be themselves. If she cries, hold her and encourage her to let it out. If she can’t play your games cause you’re too strong, don’t get mad at her. Take her for a walk instead! Encourage her femininity. Help her be the person God has created her to be.

4)  Be submissive to authority. Many men may disagree with this but it doesn’t change the truth. Governments may be your reference point but the perfect submission a man portrays to a woman is submission to his creator. Jesus taught that women were of no lower value than men. As a matter of fact, Jesus himself sat with women, ate with them and even had conversations with them. Women are no lesser human beings and a man will realize that sooner when he himself is submissive to one greater than him.

Of course, not all women are perfect either, but for a true change to occur, one has to begin the loving process. One has to lead and the other will follow. I propose the one with the ego problem and who has trouble being led. Do have a lady-loving week.