MEN AND DAMSELS IN DISTRESS
author once asked; If Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the perfect gentleman and
the perfect lady once crossed a busy street, who got to the other side first?
The answer is the perfect lady. All the others are figments of your
conclusion compels us to ask. Are good men really a rare commodity? Is
gentleman, like dinosaur, something that is found only in a dictionary? The
worst was when I heard someone say that the white rhino has more chances that
the average gentleman.
the fact that I belong to the male species, I will say a bold resounding YES!
There are good men, gentlemen to be precise. You see even the dinosaurs have
their remnant left through their descendants; the chicken. However, the
descendants of chivalrous men are no chicken. I believe they are just as good
if not better.
rescued damsels in distress and threw their coats on muddy paths for the ladies
to walk over. They carried ladies over puddles of water and walked them home
until their doorstep expecting no return for favours whatsoever. They made sure
they regulated the spiritual temperature of their homes and brought up
God-fearing children. Well what happened? Did beasts and dragons go extinct for
men to slay? Did castles evolve to skyscrapers with City Council policies
enforced on mounting them without a license?
Well we know men
can’t carry women anymore, no thanks to affordable, low-fuel consumption feminine
Toyota models. They can’t rescue damsels in distress because they have already
enrolled for Jujitsu classes and are probably carrying taser guns in their handbags.
They can’t walk them home anymore because of the same reason they cant carry
them across puddles. Some men would say that women are less vulnerable today that’s
why it’s so hard to become their heroes. I disagree.
Speaking to an
ordinary female urban dweller, you will discover that there are no dragons but
there are debts. There are no puddles but there are passive relationships. There
are no night-walks but there are faith-walks. Women may have changed
socio-economically but their hearts and their desire for romance, adventure and
affection are the same.
So I collected a
few thoughts from a few women in my life about the kind of heroes they want in
the 21st century. Here are a few qualities. They are not idyllic and
they are not out of the planet. Any man who would ignore these would be
choosing rubble over gold.
Women want a man who can lead.
Speaking to a cousin of mine, she said, “We do not like to lead relationships.
I may earn half a million shillings and drive a better car than you but you
should still be able to lead me.” Men should cast into the deep-sea the idea
that leading is based on socio-economic superiority. Leading is based on
responsibility. A man who leads in a relationship with the opposite sex simply
shows that he is responsible. Leading is not rank but responsibility! It is
sacrifice not selfishness. It is duty not domination. It is support not
superiority. Leading is serving.
Women want men who can care,
respect and protect. Women need affection. Yes, I said NEED. Men have to learn
to be gentle with their words, gentle with their hands and gentle with their
gestures. You can’t love what you plunder. Women are hearing-oriented just as
we men are sight-oriented. We love what we see in a woman. Women love what they
hear. What disgusting dressing is to a man is careless speech to a woman. Men
should be able to stand up for their women in public. These words are good but
only when followed with actions do they really count in a woman’s life. Say you
love her and show it with flowers. Say you miss her and show it with surprise
messages. Say you’re sorry and show it with a hug.
Women need men to encourage
their femininity. One boyfriend after finding out his girlfriend had just lost
500KES of her week’s pocket money said this when she began to cry; “She was
behaving just like a woman!” Well guess what? She is a woman! Encourage women
to be themselves. If she cries, hold her and encourage her to let it out. If
she can’t play your games cause you’re too strong, don’t get mad at her. Take
her for a walk instead! Encourage her femininity. Help her be the person God
has created her to be.
4) Be submissive to authority.
Many men may disagree with this but it doesn’t change the truth. Governments
may be your reference point but the perfect submission a man portrays to a
woman is submission to his creator. Jesus taught that women were of no lower
value than men. As a matter of fact, Jesus himself sat with women, ate with
them and even had conversations with them. Women are no lesser human beings and
a man will realize that sooner when he himself is submissive to one greater
Of course, not all women are perfect either, but for a true change
to occur, one has to begin the loving process. One has to lead and the other
will follow. I propose the one with the ego problem and who has trouble being
led. Do have a lady-loving week.